Just about nine months ago we covered one of those stories that didn't center so much on boating as much as it did on man's stupidity in regard to his interaction with the Atlantic Ocean. Actually we cover many of these stories because they are entertaining and usually involve a foreign country which gives Bill the Engineer a chance to use one of his many professionally cultured accents, the best of course being his superb Russian/French/Scottish or “Runchish” accent used during the Whale Penis Leather story. This story, however, took place on Bald Head Island, N.C. in August 2009 so there was no need for an accent as all he needed to do was speak slower and avoid multi-syllabic words.
The story involved a 16 year old boy from New Jersey who had his friends bury him up to his neck while sitting cross-legged in the hole that was dug for him. Problem? Yeah, you could say that. It was low tide and as the tide started to come in the water was getting closer to his head and the sand was getting wet and compacting itself thereby constricting not only his movements but also his ability to breathe. By the time his friends got there they couldn't dig him out fast enough to match pace with the incoming tide. They started to build “sand dams” around his head to which Bill asked incredulously, ” Have any of these people ever been to the beach and made a sand dam at the beach… to hold back the Atlantic Ocean?” In short it never ever works. As the story progressed his friends and other beach-goers are now trying to dig him out with those tiny plastic beach shovels but they can't dig fast enough and the water is now up to his nose and his ability to breathe is about to be compromised. Solution: A snorkel which enabled him to breathe until EMS got there and dug him out.
Being the slightly twisted individual I am I immediately set out to immortalize this story in song because not since Gordon Lightfoot's ” The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald” or perhaps “Brandy (You're A Fine Girl)” by Looking Glass had there ever been a story involving the sea, or the people that make their living from it, that needed to be set to music or set on fire as much as this one. I had a specific type of song in mind but as I started to lay down the drum and guitar tracks it started to take a much darker turn. I decided to use some of the audio from the show so you will hear Greg and Bill speaking between the lyrics being sung and I use the term “sung” very, very loosely. This is not a parody mind you but an original musical masterpiece……. of crap, but it's mine and by mine I mean the World Of Boating's because I will not have the blame land solely upon my shoulders. There will be plenty of blame to go around for all to share.
As for the title of this post, that is what Greg the First Mate yelled into the mike in his best New Joisey accent while doing a very awkward Michael Jackson CG&T (crotch grab and thrust) as he envisioned the teens from Jersey taunting the ocean, in fact daring the ocean to come up and try to drown their friend……… and the rest is history and with that please allow me to apologize in advance for the upcoming assault on your senses.
Enjoy!
Click this link to listen if you dare! -> Gotyourwater2.1
Capt. Patrick
Don't forget about your chance to win a $25.00 West Marine gift card by writing a caption for the photo in KK#3!
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I refuse to be associated with anything whose first tag is “Bald Head Island” … although the song is pretty damned cool