Knotical Knews #18: Couple To Send Their Fertilized Embryo Sailing Solo Around The World

                                       Couple To Send Their Fertilized Embryo Sailing Solo Around The World

12:00pm EDT June 21, 2010

Mentira, CA.

UPA Syndicate

   In light of the recent attempts by children and teenagers trying to become the youngest to sail solo around the world comes word out of California that Joseph and Melinda Vanerazzo will have their unborn child take up the challenge. A press conference was held with their attorney, agent, and media consultant all in attendance.

   Reading from a prepared statement Joseph Vanerazzo said the following; “We are very excited to announce that our fertilized embryo that we have named Magellan will become the youngest life form to ever attempt to sail solo around the world. We really believe that our embryo has the skills necessary to make the journey unassisted. We will be tracking Magellan’s progress from our home computer and iPhones on a daily basis and with luck the voyage should be completed in time for Magellan’s insertion into Melinda’s womb.”

   The vessel in which Magellan will be making this attempt resembles a plastic soda bottle with a small set of fixed Viva sails on top and a French designed high tech Le’ Popsicle rudder to provide steering.

   The bottle will be filled with liquid nitrogen so Magellan can be kept at the required 31 degrees below zero Fahrenheit while the voyage is attempted.

   When asked how their embryo acquired the sailing skills needed in order to make such an attempt Mr. Vanerazzo answered that he has been watching the DVD compilation of the America’s Cup races and Baywatch. When pressed by reporters to explain how that would enable his embryo to make the solo attempt he answered, “Yes”

   Magellan is scheduled to depart from the Las Numas Marina tomorrow morning at 11:00am EDT.

                                                  Solo Sailing Attempt Ends In Tragedy And A Book Deal

Updated: 11:05am EDT June 22, 2010

Mentira, CA.

UPA Syndicate

   Family, friends, and well-wishers watched in horror as tragedy struck early this morning as Magellan Vanerazzo’s attempt to become the youngest person to sail solo around the world ended almost before it began.

   With much fanfare little Magellan’s sailing vessel departed on time but it was then almost immediately capsized by the wake of a passing duck. As the vessel struggled against all odds to right itself just inches from the shore, the main mast snapped in two. The upper part of the mast then came crashing down and pierced the stern of the plastic shell which allowed the liquid nitrogen to escape. As soon as the liquid nitrogen started to vent, the sailing vessel began to accelerate and was soon heading out to sea at a high rate of speed. A rescue attempt was launched by the Coast Guard but was quickly abandoned when they were informed that the vessel they were desperately trying to locate was a  plastic soda bottle.

   Several attempts were made to track the vessel but they proved to be unsuccessful. It has since come to light that the vessel was not equipped with a GPS system or an EPIRB and when asked why that had not been done Mr. Vanerazzo answered that they could not afford to outfit the vessel with such devices as all the available monetary funds had been spent on Baywatch DVD’s and two iPhones.

   Their attorney announced that a book deal with a major publisher has been signed and an unnamed movie studio has already bought the rights to the book for 3.2 million dollars.

  Hey, hey, hey, if you survived that nonsense perhaps you’d like to take in some audio and visual stimuli with another one of Capt. Patrick’s “Hidden In Plain Sight” bonus features.

 Click the link below and bear witness as Bill and Greg Jump the Shark:

         http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1c39Zf062So