Knotical Knews #12: We Interrupt the Regularly Scheduled Post on the Gulf Oil Spill to Bring You “Hairy Bottoms”
Do you want to know what the hardest part is when it comes to writing a new post? I have to struggle with the following dilemma. Do I go “serious” or “humorous”? You see, I work with the serious issues involving boats, yachts, and their owners(!) Monday through Friday and sometimes those issues will ooze over into the occasional weekend so when Saturday comes and it’s time to do the World Of Boating I tend to go for the humorous, weird, or just outright bizarre stories involving not only boats, but anything even remotely connected to boats or the water such as the “Jessica Alba setting her fishsticks on fire” story that we brought to you this past Saturday ( World of Boating 5-1-10 HOUR1 World of Boating 5-1-10 HOUR2 ). And believe me that story was a stretch but we did it for you, our devoted listeners………..and for Bill because it’s Jessica Alba.
I had seriously considered writing about the ongoing oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico but it seems to be such a downer and in reality what am I going to tell you that you have not already heard ad nauseum from CNN, MSNBC, ABC, CBS, NBC, Mad Magazine, South Park, FOX, etc? The oil spill is bad, very very bad, and it will have far reaching environmental and economic impacts for years if not decades to come.
By the way my solution to this problem lies with Hollywood movies. Seeing as how they sent oil well drillers to blow up an asteroid maybe we should send some astronauts to the seafloor to cap the well. You would think that with all of our technology and industry there would be somewhere in the good ol’ USofA an abandoned grain silo or something like that which could be lowered to the seafloor to cover the exposed wellhead. Problem solved! Now that was actually quite easy and at this point I should know well enough to quit while I’m ahead but I won’t so I will now proceed with “Hairy Bottoms”
What is a “Hairy Bottom”? Let me start off by saying please don’t Google “Hairy Bottom” especially if there are children or elderly people in the room with you. I will not be held responsible for any 911 calls or arrests associated with this post or that term. If you Google it you do so at your own risk. You have been warned and that satisfies the legal disclaimer that Greg wanted in connection with this post.
I was working this past week at Cape Marina ( http://capemarina.com ) in Port Canaveral when I received a call from a yacht owner who was complaining about lack of performance from his 1.2 million dollar yacht. I met the customer, took one look at the visible part of the hull and made the call to have the boat hauled out of the water. The customer at this point is questioning my competency because you see I didn’t even drive his boat! “How can you tell what the problem is if you don’t run it”? ”There has to be something wrong with this boat”! ”I didn’t spend all this money, blah, blah, blah, blah”. It’s amazing after all these years how well I have learned to look and act sympathetic, understanding, and to a degree apologetic, without choking out the occasional customer or dealer. Just kidding!
Do you want to know what the problem was? A poorly maintained vessel and a lack of due diligence by the owner who felt that he could leave the boat in the water for 6-9 months and it would apparently maintain itself. The growth on the hull is just the beginning of his problems but we need to get the bottom, IPS drives, and props cleaned first before we can proceed with the next issue which would be the diesel fuel which is bound to be contaminated with algae. So we will have to shock the fuel with an algaecide and change out the fuel filters a couple of times. Next we will address the seacock intakes, drive intakes, and strainers. As we go through these systems we will need to also tackle the air conditioning systems and the generator.
Do you hear that sound? CA-CHING! Open that wallet and get out your cash or credit card or bring your checkbook.
All of this was of course completely avoidable. There have been many times when I have been delivering a yacht to a customer and I am explaining in excruciating detail how to avoid these issues and I can tell by the glazed look that comes over their faces that they aren’t getting any of what I am telling them. I refer to these customers as “key turners” because that’s all they know how to do and that’s all they WANT to know how to do. And you know what? There is absolutely nothing wrong with that and it is to these customers that I explain that when they get their new toy to their homeport they need to talk to the dockmaster or perhaps another owner of a boat their size and inquire about hiring a service to come out and properly maintain their vessel.
As we are learning from the paper portfolio exercise that McKinley Williams II is doing for Greg it is not enough just to have money to cover the purchase price of your boat or yacht. You need to budget for maintenance, upkeep, dockage, insurance, and other incidentals. But in reality the easiest way to avoid these problems is to USE YOUR BOAT! That’s what you bought it for after all, right?
Capt. Patrick
A ”Hairy Bottom” in pictures.
If you’ve read this far you have once again discovered Capt. Patrick’s “Hidden In Plain Sight” Bonus Feature!
Click the link below to see and hear the WOB crew discussing Jessica Alba’s latest mishap with sea life……..oh and Bill’s dance!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=-JQagwf-964
